


Re: About Horizon

by CatgirlTheCrazy



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 04:56:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10734549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatgirlTheCrazy/pseuds/CatgirlTheCrazy
Summary: You're a man of deep principle, and you're not afraid to call me out when you think I'm wrong. I'm a better woman for having known you.The night before the Omega 4 relay, Shepard finally replies to Kaidan's email.





	Re: About Horizon

_ Encrypted message for Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko _

Dear Kaidan,

I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message before now. It took Liara a while to come up with a secure comm protocol. Cerberus almost certainly reads my email, and what I have to say is too private for that.

Do you remember what you said to me once? About cutting corners, and letting things slide? You told me that when someone important to you is up on a ledge, you help them. I think that was the day I started to fall in love with you. You're a man of deep principle, and you're not afraid to call me out when you think I'm wrong. I'm a better woman for having known you.

So what you said on Horizon: don't apologize. I won't pretend it wasn't painful to hear. But I'm glad you said it. I'm glad to know you're still the principled man I love. However else we've changed these last two years, that's one thing that's stayed the same.

I wish I could tell you I'll survive this. But we're hitting the Omega 4 relay tomorrow, and there's a good chance we won't be coming back. If that happens, then I need you to do something for me. I've gathered up all the intel I have on the Collectors and the Reapers and put it on an encrypted OSD. Find Liara on Ilium, and she'll make you a copy. If I fail to take down the Collectors, I need you to pick up where I left off. If I succeed, but don't come back, the Reapers are still out there. I need you to take up that fight if I can't.

I've also included every last bit of classified Cerberus info I could get my hands on. Because you're right: they can't be trusted. We have common goals for now, but that won't last forever. When the time comes, there's no one I trust more to do the right thing.

More than anything, I need you to know one thing: I love you. I never stopped loving you. That night before Ilos? It meant the world to me too. Whatever else has changed between us, that’s never stopped being true.

I know I've lost your trust. I want to think that I could earn it back one day. Maybe too much has happened for that to be possible anymore. We might never go back to being what we used to be to each other. I wish it were otherwise. I wish I could jump ship right now, tell Cerberus to go to hell, and beg for your forgiveness. But too many lives are at stake for that.

Don't get me wrong: I want to live. If it will spare you further pain, if there's even a smidgen of a chance that we can make things right between us, then I will fight like hell to keep that chance alive. 

But I still might die. I can't ask you not to mourn me, because I know it doesn't work that way. But know that I died keeping the people of this galaxy safe. I died protecting the people I love. I died protecting you.

I can live with that.

Yours, forever and always,

Kel Shepard

**Author's Note:**

> Finishing Andromeda made me nostalgic and prompted my first Shenko OT playthrough in three years. Playing Horizon again gave me ALL OF THE FEELS and resurrected this fic idea that's been bouncing around in my head for forever.


End file.
